Have you ever felt the joy of becoming a grandmother, holding a tiny miniature version of your child in your arms. The chemical explosion in your senses is overwhelming and you feel like you have beholden the perfect version of humanity.
That is how I felt when I held mine for the first time. It was incredible and I had so looked forward to being a grandmother. Hearing them call "Ganny" melted my heart, and I knew that we would laugh, play, cry, sing and make memories together. Every spare moment I had I would try to be with them. Being with and working with children has always been my passion and this has never waned.
The possibilities that their small imaginations offer and their endless wonder at the smallest of things, reminds us of the dreams, opportunities, imaginings we had when we began our journeys. In the bible it says, " suffer little children to come unto me for theirs is the kingdom of heaven". As I have grown older, I see that the cares of this world often come in and harden our hearts whereas a child is vulnerable, trusting and seeks to please, that is why the kingdom of heaven belongs to them. It is our job to ensure that our hearts do not become hardened with the difficulties of life and that they stay malleable and forever changing, to continually reflect his glory. BUT what if God calls you to sacrifice....................
Recently my daughter told me that they had purchased a house which meant that they would now be settling 9 hours away from us, meaning that we would suddenly see very little of our grandchildren. The grief that I am feeling is sometimes unbearable, heart wrenching. Never in a million years did I think that our family would be split up and I would not be a part of their little lives especially when it has been so much of who I want to be. How do you cope when life throws you a curve ball? Where to from here......
Right now, I can't imagine the future.......
However, Psalm 31 says " Be strong and let your heart take courage, you who hope in the Lord."
What does this mean for me.... that though my heart will struggle with the emotions of grief and the overwhelming sense of loss, somehow, I will keep trusting him and knowing that he is still in control of every situation, in this I will take courage.
Will it mean that every day I am living in victory? No, I will still struggle but in it I will have a choice, to keep trusting in him........
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